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Betrayal has many faces, including anger, abuse, deceit, and infidelity. These feel like betrayal because they violate the implicit promise of emotional bonds, that your loved one will care about your wellbeing and never intentionally hurt you. If you've recently left a relationship where you felt betrayed by your partner—or if you want to repair one—it can seem impossible to view the world without the shadow of past betrayal hovering over you. As a result, you may struggle to create meaning in your life, find the strength to forgive, or build new, loving relationships.
In Living and Loving after Betrayal, therapist and relationship expert Steven Stosny offers effective tools for healing, based on his highly successful CompassionPower program. He founded the CompassionPower agency on the belief that we are more powerful when compassionate than when angry or aggressive, and that true strength comes from relating compassionately to others and remaining true to your deeper values. In this book, you’ll learn practical strategies for overcoming betrayal-induced trauma and the chronic resentment and depression that result, using this innovative compassion-empowerment approach.
Most books on betrayal only focus on the obvious issues, such as infidelity, abuse, or sex addiction. This book explores the effects of those kinds of betrayal, as well as less-talked-about types, such as emotional manipulation, dishonesty, deceit, and financial cheating. In addition, the book helps you regain a sense of trust in others so that you can eventually find another compassionate person to share your life with or, if you choose, to rebuild a relationship with your reformed betrayer.
Recovering from the betrayal of partner isn’t easy, but Living and Loving after Betrayal offers potent ways to heal, grow, and love again.
- Sales Rank: #80967 in Books
- Brand: Brand: New Harbinger Publications
- Published on: 2013-09-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.25" h x 5.75" w x .50" l, .75 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 248 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
"Living and Loving after Betrayal offers a strong rope out of the quicksand of misery and despair that couples sink into after a betrayal. Stosny’s guide to healing the heartache of betrayal is the most helpful I have seen in twenty-five years of clinical practice."
—Ronald J. Coughlin, EdD, licensed psychologist with twenty-five years in full-time private practice
"Since a pain-free life isn’t possible, we need to understand and follow the wisdom provided in Living and Loving after Betrayal. Stosny, one of today’s most highly respected relationship experts, understands how to grow and have a more satisfying life after being deeply hurt by others. This is a deceptively simple tool kit for effectively handling the full range of relationship disappointments and heartaches."
—Jon Carlson, PsyD, EdD, distinguished professor in the Division of Psychology & Counseling, Governors State University
"This is a remarkably wise and compassionate guide to healing from intimate betrayal. It will help you recover the best of yourself rather than remain stuck in anger or anxiety. I will ask my clients to read this book and I will give it to loved ones who are on a healing journey."
—William J. Doherty, PhD, professor and director of the Minnesota Couples on the Brink Project at the University of Minnesota, and author of Take Back Your Marriage.
"Stosny has broken new ground for individuals moving forward from any type of betrayal or violation of the intimate bonds of relationships. He takes the reader beyond hurt, even beyond healing, into the area of personal mastery by way of compassion. This book is a must read for anyone who has felt the pain and disappointment of a once-trusted relationship."
—Pat Love, EdD, coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It and Never Be Lonely Again
"This excellent book addresses an often-overlooked aspect of healing from betrayal, and that is self-healing. When people get hurt, their attention usually turns to the perpetrator of the hurt—one’s partner. But part of the real work that needs to be done is on one's self.
"If you have felt the devastating effects of betrayal, this must-read book will help restore your inner resilience and faith in yourself so you can get through the difficult periods and thrive beyond them. Stosny's workbook-like exercises help you apply what you're learning to your own unique situation. You'll feel like you have a personal coach guiding you to better times!"
—Michele Weiner-Davis, author of Divorce Busting and The Sex-Starved Marriage
“In this manual, [Stosny] offers a pathway to recovery based on maxims similar to those found in books such as Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking. … The book takes readers beyond verbal affirmations to taking actions that provide a meaningful basis for moving ahead with the healing process. …”
—Kirkus Reviews
About the Author
Steven Stosny, PhD, is founder of CompassionPower, a successful anger-regulation program that he has directed for more than twenty years. In addition, he has treated more than six thousand people through his organization. He has appeared on many major media programs, including several appearances on The Oprah Winfrey Show. He is author of Love without Hurt and You Don't Have to Take It Anymore, and coauthor of How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary's College of Maryland, and he currently has a blog on www.psychologytoday.com.
Most helpful customer reviews
36 of 37 people found the following review helpful.
Brilliant, empirically supported approach
By G. B. Mock
Dr. Stosny has hit a grand slam home run, again. The healing approach in this book grows from the same fertile bed of research and clinical experience that made his boot camp for resentment, anger and abuse reduction so successful. It focuses on a betrayed person claiming and creating for him or herself a Healing Identity. This changes a betrayed person from a victim to an empowered person able to successfully choose improvement, healing, repair, recovery and growth over pain, suffering and shame. Betrayal can cause the betrayed person to feel inadequate and unlovable, the admission of which is too painful to admit. Stosny, as in the boot camp, provides practical steps that replace that loss of worth or value with ways to value yourself more, so much so that external adversity cannot touch the core of one's value. Stosny goes on to provide very wise counsel and steps when one betrayed seeks to love again, either in a new relationship, or in rebuilding a betrayed relationship. This reviewer is a marriage counselor, who has used Dr. Stosny's approach, now wonderfully set forth in this book, with many couples over the past years. It works, and works very effectively. This book is easily accessible by non-clinically trained readers, as it is written for the betrayed partner. Counselors and therapists will find it a valuable resource to grow their skills in helping couples and to give to couples with whom they work. This reviewer cannot recommend this book more highly. It warrants wide distribution to both audiences: couples and clinicians.
30 of 31 people found the following review helpful.
I liked it - but several weak areas
By A.R.T.
This was a helpful read with a really valuable and important premise. However, if you have history of trauma, this book should be used in conjunction with professional help. I really like the idea of building a healing identity and investing in your core value as a path to healing. Some things I thought were lacking: 1) the traumatic nature of betrayal was inadequately dealt with 2) self-compassion is a vital part of the recommendations in this book but it was not fleshed out well 3) there is was not enough instruction on how to help yourself when you feel vulnerable emotions. That being said I've gained something quite useful from reading this book and would recommend reading this while working with a professional. Betrayal is rarely something that can be worked through on your own.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
I absolutely loved this book and found it very helpful
By Latino Chocolate
I absolutely loved this book and found it very helpful. As with anything you learn in life, if you don't put it into practice it serves no purpose. I am listening/reading this book for a second time to apply all of the principles.
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